Cowboy Bebop Thumbnail Theatre: Episode 7: Heavy Metal Queen

Otto: Hi VT! What's shakin'?

VT: Not much. You know - space trucking, scamming folks, the usual stuff of relatively unknown Shel Silverstein songs. You?

Otto: I'm this week's Exposition Guy.

VT: Hey, nice. That kid last episode didn't do so hot.

Otto: Say! I think I will hint at what a trucking legend you are by making the ritual guess at your very mysterious name. Hmm. What could your initials stand for, VT?

VT: On second thought, maybe you could take exposition lessons from that kid.

Spike: Good morning, starshine. I have officially lost all dignity.

Faye: Don't worry, I get an equally humiliating scene 10 episodes from now.

Spike: Shut up and pass the Advil. ... Over the hand-held comm. Yeah.

Spike: ...God, I'm hung over.

Faye: Hey, Spike! I got a riddle for you! What's a famous name in film that comes in a little yellow box? Our next bounty! HAW!!

Spike: ...

Spike: ...I cannot fucking BELIEVE you just made that joke.

Faye: Fortunately only two people will get it. Anyway, we're bound to do a bang-up job at catching this guy if we keep eating sundaes and sitting on the can, respectively...

Spike: ...I mean, I REALLY can't believe you just said that.

Faye: Tee hee hee! Oh, I kill me. Anyway, the main ID clue for our bounty head is that he's got a tattoo of a dragon.

Spike: W-wait! Is it a RED dragon? Uhh... on his... uh... bum?

Faye: Big Shot didn't say. Why?

Spike: Uhh... I've, uhh... just heard rumours... about a lot of mean, nasty people that happen to have those.

Faye: ...Uh-huh.

Spike: Tattoos.

Faye: ...

Spike: On their bums.

Faye: Look, I'd really love to sit here and listen to you dig your grave, but I see a nice BROWN dragon tattoo at 3 'o' clock. Toodles! *CLICK*

Spike: ... Yup. All my dignity is now officially gone.

Faye: Mmmmm, hey hot stuff, want to do what every fanboy wishes they could? (Were I not celluloid and paint, that is.)

Macho: Perform sex? I don't t'ink I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse wit' you, if you like.

Decker: Hey, that's MY line!

Faye: Stick 'em up, smartypants.

Macho: Oh crap! Is dis one of dose undercover cop t'ings? I hate dose.

Decker: Nnnngyah-yoop! *DASH*

Faye: What the - !! ANOTHER dragon tattoo?! Jebus H, next thing you know I'll be tracking down red plaid suitcases.

Memphis Brothers: While we track down this cute little blond, hur hur hur.

Muriel: Eeek! No! Quiddit! I'm telling!

VT: Maybe you'd like to mess with THIS cute little blond. Oh, 'scuse me, I meant HULKING AMAZON OF DOOM.

Memphis Brothers: I'd say three dorky bit guys stand a good chance against a likeable, mysterious featured character! Let's BRAWL!

VT: RAGE.

Spike: Oh. Egg in my crotch. I retract my earlier statement -- NOW my dignity's gone.

Faye: Hey you! The REAL smartypants! Stick 'em up!

Decker: Have some nitro, bitch! Payback for that joke earlier! *BOOM*

Faye: Um.

Memphis Brothers: You have roundly disciplined us offscreen!

VT: That's what you get for being stupid BOUNTY HUNTERS. God, I hate BOUNTY HUNTERS.

Spike: *cough* Uhh, so, lemme try this name-guessing thing--

Jet: *crackle* is this thing on? Hey, Spike! How's my favorite BOUNTY HUNTER pal? This BOUNTY HUNTING business royally sucks for me right about now, how're things on YOUR end?

VT: RAGE AGAIN.

Spike: Things on my "end", Jet, are hurting. And on my ship, too. Thank you oh so much for asking. *Sigh*

VT: I think it's time we blow this scene, Zeros.

Zeros: Awwwww, not when I've found the ideal place to do that bread-kneading paw thingy that cats do!

Spike: S-scalp massage... feel... so good... nnnnngghhhlaaagghh....

VT: *Sigh*

Faye: SO I WAS CHASING THE BOUNTY HEAD AND HE GOT AWA--

Spike: WHAT?

Faye: I SAID, I WAS CHASING THE GUY AN-

Spike: I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I GOT A BANANA IN MY EAR.

Faye: DAMMIT, VT, CAN YOU TURN THAT MUSIC DOW-

VT: ...'CAUSE AH'M THUH SPPEEEEEEEED KING! DUR NER NER NER NER, SEEEEEE MEEEEEEE FLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Jet: Dammit! Not only do I barely get any camera time at all this episode, I gotta spend it on repairs! You two are going to be the death of me. *sob*

Otto: *crackle* Hey, VT! I just got hit by some crazy mofo!

VT: It wouldn't happen to be the guy my newfound comrades are after, right?

Otto: Why, what a coincidence! It is!

VT: OK, seriously, dude. Exposition time is over. Off I go, into the inky black yonder!

Decker: Nyooooh-no! Say, I'm carrying explosives - maybe a highly volatile mine would be a good place to hide out!

Spike: Je-e-et! How are we supposed to chase down Decker with these dinky weapons?

Faye: Yeah! Super Soakers can't work in a vacuum, you know!

Decker: Ooooh, I have a very low threshold of death! *URK*

Faye: Well, crap. There goes 12 million.

Spike: 12 million, nothing. This whole place is about to blow!

Faye: Augh! Now the entrance to the mine is closed! How do we get outta here?

VT: Use the power of IRONY!!

Faye: Put a black fly in my chardonnay?

VT: I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. Sheesh! Use Decker's explosives, nitwit.

Spike: I'm so on it. Big kaboom coming up in ten... nine... eight...

VT: Hurry! Get out of my dreams and into my car!

Spike: Alll-most theeere... alll-most therrrre... Shoop! Thanks for the lift, Victoria Terpsichore.

VT: What?! How'd you guess the rather dorky name attached to my cool, butch initials?

Spike: Why, from this handy and convenient engraved photograph of you and your late husband!

VT: Oh gawrsh! This is so anticlimactic, I can't even think of a good one-liner to wrap the episode up!